Amber Rhodes-Lapoint

2D if Thousands
A Thorn for Every Heart
A Whisper in the Noise
Alanis Morisette
Barlow Girl
Bob Marley
Caedmon’s Call
Cat Power
Cool Hand Luke
Copeland
Cursive
Dashboard Confessional
Dave Bazan
Pedro the Lion
Headphones
Dead Poetic
Egypt Central
Elliott Smith
Emily Haines & The Soft Skeleton
Enon
Eowyn
Evanescence
Explosions in the Sky
Fireflight
Fugazi
Imogen Heap
Jack Johnson
Jars of Clay
Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins
John Lennon
Mars Volta
Meg and Dia
Metric
Nickel Creek
Over the Rhine
Paramore
Pink
Rilo Kiley
Sara Bareilles
Sarah McLachlan
Seether
Sick Puppies
Superchick
The Album Lead
The Cartography Divison
The Fray
The Ditty Bops
Trading Yesterday
Dexter soundtrack
Wilco
Within Temptation

Sometimes my family is sooo batshit crazy.

I’ll explain after the initial shock and awe has ended.

Oh, but just so you know, I’ll be in Jackson from July 25 to July 31.  So if anyone needs pictures done or wants to hang out in the Jackson/Memphis or West Tennessee area you should send me an email now!

www.ambertakesphotos.com has a comments section.

Prologue

Their hideous laughter filled his ears. It rang like a thousand bells tolling at the same time, trying to deafen him. It blended with their taunts and comments, some of shock, some playing around, but all with the same evil behind the seemingly innocent voices: he was a freak, a monster and a complete idiot who had been foolish enough to have some sort of a dream. For that, he had to be punished. He had committed the ultimate sin in their eyes: he had wished for the love of someone who was nothing like him, who was beautiful, kind, and smart. But worse, he had actually thought he had a chance of success.

But even as their taunts drowned out the kind teacher’s efforts to comfort him and to get the others to stop, his hopes were still sky high, even after someone had betrayed him in the worst possible way. He couldn’t believe his first love was still standing right there in front of him, still with that mysterious glow in her eyes, that spark of kindness and humanity, of being real that none of the others, or anyone else in the world, had. She had a look on her face of sheer shock, and of deep and utter disgust. He hoped that she was horrified at the comments, that she would say something like, “What the heck are you saying? Of course I could like him, I already do,” and then walk over to his side and hold him after looking at his eyes and smiling her dazzling smile. But no, he couldn’t have been more wrong. The look on her face was because of what she had heard before the others started laughing and yelling out stuff. The sound of her next words was pure venom for his heart and soul, as he couldn’t believe her sacred voice had spoken those terrible words, “Ew!”
“Gross!” “What makes you think that I could possibly like someone like you? My God, you’re so disgusting! Get away from me!”

At that moment of pure and sheer betrayal from a kid he had thought was his friend, something inside him died. Suddenly, the taunts and laughter of his classmates began to sting worse than ever before. His own cry of anger blended and then rose above every other sound in the room as he turned and punched the student behind him in the jaw. They were both knocked down to the floor, he continued to punch him until the teacher separated them. He got sent outside while the teacher talked to the other student about what he had done. He was sitting in a stone bench right outside the classroom, looking out at the huge green stretch of grass between the elementary, middle and high school buildings. He saw one of the school’s guards walking around on patrol, and walked up to him. He asked in a quavering voice, “Mister, can I see that cool gun? It looks just like the one in Syphon Filter!

The guard saw no harm in lending the child his rifle so that the kid could see it, so he agreed, “Sure kid. Here,” as he smiled.

Once the weapon was in his hands, he checked to see if it was loaded and swiftly turned the safety off. He turned and ran back to the classroom as fast as he could.  The guard was too far away to stop him, let alone knock him down. He burst in the door screaming out in pain, hate, sorrow, confusion and rage. He pointed the weapon at several of the students as he listened intently ongoing laughter and taunts.  He heard her beautiful voice repeating the words, “I already told you I don’t like him, he makes me want to puke.”
He noticed that there was only one silent person in the room, the person that betrayed his trust.
As the sounds threatened to smother him, he shouted, “I hate you” as the weapon fired.

The alarm went off loudly and suddenly, waking him up. David got up from his bed in a cold sweat. He had a hard time catching his breath, so he just sat there alone in the almost perfect darkness.  Disturbed only by the dawn’s first rays of light, in his bed, panting while the last image of the dream kept flashing before his eyes. He couldn’t help but mutter under his breath, more to himself than to anyone else, “God… it was just a nightmare… Relax David… you’re not a murderer…”

Chapter I

Shades of the Past

His apartment was always very noisy, even though David lived alone. He always kept the radio, CD player, or the computer on, blasting music at a high volume. That morning’s musical choice was an old MP3 he had compiled when he had been 15, 9 and a half years ago. It was full of what were considered classics at the time, as some of those songs had been up for well over 15 years. David came out of the shower with his long hair still wet, and he hung the towel casually over a chair in the long and wide hallway as he walked by it, his footsteps drowned by the sound of his computer blasting music. He went to his room and started looking for a clean shirt to wear with the jeans he had been wearing for the past 4 days. He picked an elegant, button-down and long-sleeved black shirt, to wear with a white shirt beneath. He grabbed his wallet and keys from the desk, and changed the song that was playing on the computer.

He then shook his head abruptly and then ruffled his hair a bit to get his usual hairstyle, and then looked at himself one last time on the mirror. He stared into the recently clean-shaved face of a tall, tan-by-nature guy with slanted eyes. His face was smooth, save for a scar here and there from shaving and a few accidents he had had as a child. His eyes were a very light blue by nature, and you could’ve sworn they were white unless you looked very closely. His nose was a perfect shape, no bump, it didn’t go inwards, just a perfectly straight line. He noticed a drop of water near one of his eyes. He had been and was so concentrated with a nightmare he had been having over and over again for the past 5 weeks that he didn’t know or care if it was water from his hair or a tear. He hesitated before wiping it away, as he always had believed that teardrops and raindrops carried stories waiting to be told. He wiped it away, and then turned to leave the bathroom, even more concerned by his dream.

********

Milk-stache. Fagot. asshole. Motherfucker. Gayvid. Worthless piece of Chinese shit. Those were only a few of the names he was used to hearing every single day. He was always the kid whose cousin stepped up for him, the cry-baby who had no friends. The wimp, the worst sports player on the grade, and the kid who spent his snacks, lunches and recesses alone, walking around, playing some game in his mind where he was himself, only he was loved and treated like a human. He dreaded to go to school, because he knew what they’d say and do, and that there was nothing at all he could do about it. For one, his father would beat him if he told him what was going on and that he hadn’t fought back because he didn’t like violence and was too scared to do so, and, for another, if he shaved his already growing facial hair that looked like a clear mustache, his father would also beat him. But his father or what the other students, both male and female, called him or did to him was the least of his troubles. The devouring hatred and heart ache that were growing in his 10 year old heart were a bigger problem.

He had not yet met any girl he had “loved” or liked for that matter. Sure, he had seen some very pretty girls in his grade, but he didn’t like any of them, because of the way they treated him. Then, one day during lunchtime, right before they had to return to Miss Stephanie’s classroom, one of the prettiest girls in the grade, Natalia, came up to his table in the lunchroom’s farthest corner, and asked him if they could talk out side.

“Listen David, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you and ask you for quite a while now, but I’ve been scared ‘cause I didn’t know how you’d react, but… I’ve decided to tell you right here, right now.”

Being a young, naïve and foolish boy, David never saw it coming. He merely looked at Natalia with a puzzled look, and asked her in a soft, shy, and trembling voice, “Y… yes Natalia? What is it?”

“Well David… the truth is… that I’ve had this major crush on you for a long time, I really really like you, but I was scared of what you’d think, so I tried to bug you so that I could forget about it, cause I don’t wanna hurt you. What’s more… I… I… I think I’m… I’m in love with you.” Natalia spoke these words with almost practiced ease, as if she had been hoping to say them for a long time. On the outside, they had seemed so sincere, and David was so amazed he didn’t notice Natalia was trying very hard not to crack up, and that two of her friends were watching from behind a bush nearby.

David couldn’t believe his luck. There he was, standing in front of one of the prettiest girls he had seen, all alone, with her telling him that she loved him. He was so nervous, no words came out when he tried to answer her, just stutterings, “I…uh…. I d…d….dunn…..o…. w…w…what t… t… to s… ss…ay…” was all he managed to get out after a little while of trying very hard to speak.

“David… I want you to be my boyfriend. What do you say? Please say yes….”

David was shaking so hard he was amazed he hadn’t fallen down. He answered in a quavering voice, “Y… Y… yy… yes…I’ll be your boyfriend.” He had then stepped forward to hug her and kiss her (though he had no idea how) when she backed away and burts out laughing.

“You actually BELIEVED that?! HAHAHAHAHAHA!” Natalia’s laughter stunned David. He stood there, rooted on the spot, as Natalia and her two friends who had emerged from the bushes nearby laughed their heads off.

He felt anger like never before in his life, and yelled out so loud that everyone in the lunchroom and cafeteria heard him, even though they knew nothing else, “FUCK YOU NATALIA! FUCKYOU ALL THE WAY TO HELL YOU BITCH I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU ALL!” He then turned and ran, leaving the girls behind kind of shocked yet still laughing, to hide outside the lunchroom behind some very thick bushes.

His cousin Simon had heard him scream, and approached the girls. He didn’t care what anyone said about him, especially because he knew that they wouldn’t breathe a word about him, so he yelled at them like he had never yelled at anyone else before. Simon stood right next to them and screamed at their faces, “What the fuck did you do to my cousin, huh? You stupid bitches! What did you do?!”

Erika, one of Natalia’s friends had enough nerve to answer him, “It was just a game….a joke… Natalia pretended to be in love with him and ask him to be her boyfriend… he bought it completely until the last second, when we started laughing and told him the truth… I’m sorry Simon; we were just trying to get a laugh…”

Simon could take pretty much anything and accept just as much, but that had gone way over the top. He lost it as soon as Erika told him what had happened, “You were just trying to get a laugh?! One FUCKING laugh!? HE’S MY COUSIN! AND YOU DON’T DO THAT KIND OF SHIT TO PEOPLE, YOU HEAR ME!? YOU JUST DID YOUR FIRST COMUNION AND YOU’RE ALREADY COMMITING SINS!”

“That’s not a sin… is it? I mean… we didn’t do anything wrong or against the commandments.”

“Yes you did, you lied to my cousin! Now help me find him and apologize to him, you hear!?”

They looked around a bit for him. When they found him, David began to get up and walk away hastily, but the three girls stopped him. Natalia was quick to apologize and take back the prank, and Erika and Janice were backing her up. They didn’t want Simon to be mad at them, he was pretty popular in the grade and was a “cutie.”

“Hey, David… are… are you ok? We didn’t mean to hurt you; we were just fooling around…”

David got up and left muttering “Apology accepted” under his breath. David went and picked up his stuff from the lunchroom table he had been sitting on, still trying to stop crying. He heard some people ask him what was wrong, but he just shrugged them away with a cold, “It’s ok, don’t worry about me… I just got a bit mad at Natalia ‘cause she lost my Spanish project.”

Then, as David left, he saw the girls confessing to the school’s father, who had been passing by the cafeteria to get his lunch. He just stood atop the stairs that led to the cafeteria, looking down at the girls confessing to the father but with looks of glee on their faces. He could tell they didn’t mean it, that they thought that they could do anything and then confess and that all would be good. But they were wrong. They were wrong and he knew it. Natalia and the others came up to him after they were done and said. “We’re sorry David, we didn’t mean to hurt you… it was just a joke, and we thought you’d figure that out.”

David answered back in the middle of brand new tears of anger, “What, you think you can just go on and confess and what you did will simply go away? Well, think again, ‘cause you’re wrong,” He said with pure hate in his voice, “oh, and hell of a way to justify your selves, calling me ugly and saying that no one would ever like me in the nicest way possible. I feel better already,” and then he walked away, muttering under his breath, “I wish I was dead…”

********

David turned off his computer and turned off the lights to his room as he left. He had been feeling increasingly depressed lately, even though nothing had happened. He checked the date on the calendar and sighed, “No wonder I’ve been feeling down lately… it’s almost Valentine’s Day, and yet for another year, solitude is my only company. How pathetic.” He picked up his wallet and checked it to see how much money he had. “Great,” he thought, “only 20 measly bucks… I’ll have to go to the ATM again.” As he walked out of the apartment, he grabbed his bag and trench coat, which he packed in his bag. David rubbed his brow with annoyance. He couldn’t help but rethink the nightmares he had been having for the past weeks. In all of them, he died at the end, one way or another.

All of them seemed strikingly familiar scenarios, though he had never lived through any of them, especially because he was alive, and he always died in his nightmares, so they couldn’t be memories. He waved and said hi to the doorman of his apartment building, and then stepped outside to the cold and harsh world. He walked down the street, looking at all the people, their faces flashing by, an ocean of lies and of pain. He had to go to teach his college class, theoretical physics. As he walked down the streets he continued to think about the dreams that had been tormenting him for the past month. He was so concentrated that he bumped head-first with a young lady, with long, sleek black hair, causing her to drop her bag, spilling all kinds of books and papers all over the place.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry…” he apologized as he knelt down and started to pick up her stuff.

She said in a soft, shy, yet sweet and kind voice, “It’s ok… don’t worry about it… my bad.”

He looked up at her as she knelt down to pick up her papers. “No, no, no… it’s ok; it was my fault,” he insisted, “let me get that for you…”

“Thanks… I can’t believe how clumsy I am..:” She laughed slightly and embarrassedly.

“Don’t worry about it, it was my bad.”

David got up and held out his hand. She took it gratefully as he helped her up. He finally got the chance to get a good look at her. She was beautiful; She had an innocent yet mature face, which showed that she had been through a lot in life, very light skin, which seemed to be as soft as silk, flowing and very well kept hair which smelled like roses, mysterious dark blue eyes, thing which David had hardly seen before in his life, and a bright and hopeful smile. She was wearing a long sleeved blue shirt with a black jacket over it, and a necklace that had a ring on the end, kind of like a pendant. Her jeans were kind of baggy, but fit nicely, and she cast a carefree yet cautious aura, as if she had nothing to worry about but was scared to death of the unknown.

She smiled shyly at him, and whispered, “Thanks…” when he handed her her stuff.

“Sure, no problem,” he said, “but do tell me what your name is, and where you were going in such a hurry.”

“Um… I’m Victoria, but all my friends call me Vicki… you can call me Vicki if you want to… and I’m just trying to get away from my house…”

“I see… something wrong?”

“I just… I… um…”

“It’s ok, you don’t have to talk about it… tell you what, though. Since you’re going nowhere, why don’t you come with me to the campus? I got a class to teach, and I could use an assistant for today’s experiment.”

Vicki looked nervous and unsure, so he added, “I’ll buy you something to eat on the way there, a cup of coffee or something and we can talk a bit more about anything. And if you need a place to crash ‘cause you don’t wanna go home, you’re always welcome to crash at my place.”

“But I don’t even know your name…”

“My name’s David Weston, Victoria.”

“Nice to meet you professor… and it’s ok Professor Weston, you can call me Vicki…”

“Well, then there’s no need for you to call me Professor Weston. You can call me David, teach, or anything else you can think of.”

“Ok then… David.”

“So whaddya say? Walk with me, Vicki?”

“Um… shu… sure… David.”

She smiled at him shyly and nervously, kind of like a child smiles when they meet a stranger. David could tell she didn’t quite trust him yet, but that she was willing to take the risk. He smiled reassuringly at her, and they both walked side by side down the streets towards the college. Vicki held her bag close to her chest, as if she were protecting it and herself with it. She looked down to the ground most of the time, except every now and then and when she answered David, times at which she looked deep into his dark eyes. They walked slowly towards the college, stopping for a moment at a small coffee shop, where David got Vicki a latte.

“Thanks for the latte professor,” said Vicki, “you really didn’t have to… you’re too kind…”

“Hey, my pleasure. Here, have a seat,” David gestured to a table as he pulled out a chair, “I have about 45 minutes before class starts.”

She took the seat and smiled at him as he sat down on the chair opposite to hers. “So, Vicki, wanna talk about what’s troubling you?”

“There’s something I wanna make clear first… David. I am not looking for a boyfriend right now; I’m just not up to a relationship, or a date for that matter.”

“Vicki, if there’s something I’ve learned in my life, it’s this: ‘Don’t go looking for boyfriends or girlfriends, go looking for friends.’ I just wanna be friendly, be someone who listens to you and helps you out, ‘cause it seems you could use a friend.”

“Well, thanks, David… that means a lot,” She said even more shyly, “most guys only talk to me because they think I’m easy… they just wanna use me for a one-night-stand.”

“Don’t pay attention to them, they’re just assholes. And if anyone touches you, you let me know and I will personally kick their ass.”

Vicki giggled before adding, “Thanks David, I really appreciate it… no one’s ever been this kind with me before…”

“You just never found the right guy. He’s somewhere out there and he’s ten times better than me. But for now, you’re stuck with me. Sorry.”

“Why sorry? You’re a nice guy.”

“I was just fooling around. Relax Vicki.”

David smiled cheerfully, but that was just a mask, the same one he had been wearing since he was young. He hated wearing that mask, he hated acting like everything was alright all the time, but he wore it because he was afraid… Every other time he had told anyone what he really felt, every time he had thought he had found someone that would be there for him, be his friend, help him out in something, he had been lied to. He wore that mask to keep the cold and harsh world outside, to keep them away from him, because every time they came too close to him they re-opened old wounds.

“Sorry for being a complete asshole… for not knowing what to do, what to say, for acting like someone I’m not, for not sticking with my values… Sorry for being a scum-bag, for being less than everyone else, for being someone who believed in miracles in a world in which they never happen to those who desperately want and need them…” he thought to himself, always smiling on the outside, “that’s what I know about myself, and everyone else must’ve known part of that, or else they wouldn’t have left…”

They went on talking for a while, about nothing in particular. What struck them both as pretty weird was that they both changed subjects at an amazing speed, rapidly relating one topic to next and thus they had started talking about Vicki’s favorite bands and were talking about a really old anime series called “Evangelion.”

After a long while, Vicki stopped and looked at her watch, “Oh my God professor, it’s been 35 minutes! You’ll be late for class! I’m so sorry I kept you!” Vicki was very embarrassed, and quickly got up and pulled David to his feet. She quickly grabbed a 20, slammed it on the counter, yelled at the waitress, “keep the change, thank you very much!” and hauled David out of the shop.

Vicki and David began running down the street towards the college, trying to get to the class on time. Even when she ran, Vicki held her bag close to her chest, almost like a mother would hold a child to protect him from some dangerous beast that was chasing them. David on the other hand, had flung his bag carelessly over his shoulder, and it kept flailing around like a tether ball. They got to the campus in 5 minutes, but they still had to get to David’s classroom.

David grabbed Vicki by the hand as he said “This way, I know a short-cut of sorts… I hope you don’t mind making a scene!”

“No, let’s take the normal route!” objected Vicki, “please David, we still have time… let’s not make a scene!” but it was no use. David dragged her into a crowded hallway without slowing down.

“Sorry fellas, I need to borrow these for a second!” David reached out and grabbed a couple of skateboards from two of the students and hurled them to the ground ahead oh him and Vicki while yelling, “Make way! I hope you know how to ride Vicki, or this is gonna hurt a whole explicit lot for both of us!”

David and Vicki jumped on the skates and rode them to the stairs. Vicki still held on to her bag with one hand, the other holding David’s bag. The stairs however, were beginning to get mopped, so the floor before them was wet. Vicki’s slipped, causing her to jump at David, who tripped over the rim and they both flew over the stairs and onto the hallway below. David managed to hold Vicki in front of him while his back faced the floor to break her fall.

He thought, “shit, this is gonna sting in the morning…” right before they crashed on the ground. They landed with a loud thud, and David slid down the hall a few feet before stopping.

Vicki opened her eyes and looked up at David’s face from his arms. David had barely groaned when they hit the ground, and even then he wasn’t wincing in pain, even though he was barely able to withstand the throbbing pain in his back.

“Hey, you ok Vicki?”

“Y… y… yeah… thanks David… a… a…are you hurt?”

“Ehh… I’ll be fine. Come on, it’s nearby!”

David got up as Vicki helped him to his feet with a blush on her face, and then he turned, grabbed Vicki’s hand and ran to the side of the hall that led to the large campus garden. They jumped over the small wall that separated the hall from the garden and tore through it at full speed, aiming for an open window on the other side. David jumped over the fountain in the center while Vicki dodged it. David screamed at the window, “Teacher running late!” as he doubled his pace, Vicki struggling to keep up. He let go of Vicki and then ran towards the window, jumping through it at the last possible second in a diving like motion. Vicki heard a faint crash and a cheer come from inside the classroom as she slowed down to try and catch her breath. When she got to the window, she slowly climbed through it as the bell rang, and saw 3 students helping David up from a large blue mat, which had apparently broken his fall.

“Hello class. Thanks guys, have your seats.” Ben brushed some dust off of himself and walked over to a large lab table in the front of the room where he set his bag. “Ok… I see we have a few new faces here today. Good morning to all of you. For those of you who don’t know, I’m Professor David Weston, and this is my theoretical physics class. And for the next hour and a half, your ass is mine. So if you mess around or don’t pay attention, I’ll kick you out and you won’t be allowed in for the rest of the course. And no, I don’t care how much you’re paying. Now today, we are going to be talking about one of the most important subatomic particles: the Gluon. As you know, atoms are made up by Protons, Neutrons, and Electrons. Protons and Neutrons are in turn made up by a series of Quarks. These Quarks are held together by Gluons…”